Marcia's Column #5

Apparently, Kaz informed me that the "public had spoken" and I needed to write a column this week. I have to say that i have been crazy busy at work lately. . . my boss made a "joking" reference to needing me to work 120 hours this week. I hope he was joking, because if not I just screwed myself into working 120.5 hours this week by writing this column. I hope you enjoy.

you know, ever since me and Kaz started dating I have been trying really hard to hate the Yankees. When Pettitte went to the Astros, he really helped my cause, but he's back now, so I'm screwed. The Yankees seem to draw people towards them in some weird way. You don't want to like them, but for some reason it's hard not to (unless you're from Boston, but we all know that thats all about jealousy). But for normal people like me, why is it so hard to hate the Yankees?

I was watching sports center a few weeks ago at the gym and I couldn't really see very well, but all of a sudden there was this HOT guy on the TV that they were talking about, so I started paying better attention. It was Chase Wright, the new Yankees pitcher. He was, I'm assuming, brought in because Mike Mussina and Carl Pavano were recently put on the DL. One good looking guy replacing two other good looking guys. It was at this moment that it came to me. . . the Yankees are hard to hate, because they are so good looking. I went through the Yankees roster and came up with 11 guys I think are attractive. here is the list. . . Kyle Farnsworth, Mike Mussina, Carl Pavano, Andy Pettitte, Chase Wright, Jorge Posada, Robinson Cano, Alberto Gonzalez, Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Jason Giambi. You may not agree with every name on this list, but lets look at the list of Padres in comparison. . . i found 3: Justin Hampson, Pete Laforest, Russell Branyan (and I gave these 3 the benefit of the doubt).

I mean, its bad enough that the Yankees buy all the good players, do they have to buy all the good looking ones too? Granted there are exceptions, like caveman Johnny Damon, but percentage- wise the Yankees are just way ahead of the pack. Just for the record, I whole heartedly think that some of these guys are total tools, like A Rod who likes to try and slap other players like a five year old girl to get them to drop a ball. . . did you really think that Bronson Arroyo was going down from a girl's slap fight?. . . and Derek Jeter, my feelings for him can be summed up in the saying from Kaz's shirt "Yankees suck, Jeter swallows", but there is no denying that they are attractive.

I think the Yankees have the right idea. What is going to get women to come to baseball games more than a bunch of hot guys in tight pants?

I feel sort of bad for Kaz, besides the fact that he has a girlfriend who wants to do the majority of the Yankees, he had a few other things happen to him recently involving New York sports.

1. Tom Brady being photographed wearing a Yankees hat. This i do not understand, I mean he had to know that would anger Boston fans and he's not from New York, so why would he be a Yankee fan? UNLESS. . . its the hot guys! perhaps impregnating women and dating the most highly paid model in the history of the world is all to cover up the fact that he is gay and dating Derek Jeter. Maybe he wore the Yankees hat, because he "couldn't live a lie anymore". I really hope this is true, not only would it make all those crazy die- hard Pats fans squirm, he would be a great role model for gay athletes everywhere.

2. Zak DeOssie being drafted by the Giants. Kaz literally watched like every moment of the draft (I was more of an in and out kind of watcher) and was so excited for Zak. But everytime I say something like "Aren't you so excited?" He responds with a [sigh] "yeah, it's just that the Giants are one of my least favorite teams". We are both still very excited for Zak, I think Kaz just had visions of Zak in a Pats uniform. . . I personally wanted him to go to the 49ers or the Chargers, but what can you do? CONGRATS ZAK!

3. Roger Clemens going to the Yankees. . . ok, I have to brag a bit here. . . who called this in their previous column? My favorite part of the announcement was when the panned to Andy Pettitte to show how happy he was. . . he looked like a little kid