Marcia's Column #3

(Quick Note From Kaz: As always these are completely unedited by me for content. What she wants to write about she writes about.)

I was planning on spending this whole column making fun of Kaz, because he called me a dumb girl in his last column, but I decided against it. I mean I really don't want the whole world to know how much of a loser my boyfriend really is, do I? Instead, I wrote about other things that annoy me.

Things I am over:

Guys who think any girl who is semi-attractive or goes out is a ditz

Granted, it is not only guys who do this. . . girls do it too. I think what bugs me so much about when guys do this is their air of superiority when it happens. . . like I'm looking for a guy to marry, because there is no way i can support myself and later in life when I'm not as attractive and am too old to go to club's anymore, i'm gunna need this guy to take care of me. I used to be nicer about it I think . . . maybe I've turned into a total bitch. My theory though, is that I've finally gotten to the point in my life, where I realize that any guy who is going to treat me like an idiot deserves the same treatment back.

There was an incident that reminded me of why I hate these type of guys so much this weekend. I went to a club in the city because a friend of a friend was having a celebratory/ going away party because he got into Wharton business school. My girlfriend (who also went to Brown) was talking to this guy, trying to be exited for him and generally be a nice person. She was like "yay, you're going to Wharton, that's awesome" and he turns to her and says "what do you know about Wharton?" like she couldn't possibly even be intelligent to know what Wharton is. So, she said something about knowing a good amount about Penn because we went to Brown. He stumbled over his words for a second and managed to muster up. . . "you both went to Brown?!? I really wanted to go there". This is the moment when i actually like that these guys exist, because then I get to enjoy them trying to remove their foot from their mouth. In another world where I wasn't all talk I would have totally told him that he didn't get into Brown because he was a tool, but I'm not quite that mean.

Roger Clemens

ok, I'm not really over him in terms of talent, I think he's awesome. But what's with this, I'm too cool to actually join a team for the whole season/ ever decide if I will join or what team I will play for, crap? Its so annoying. . . my theory is he is totally playing this year, he just doesn't want to put in the effort it takes to pitch a whole season and people let him get away with it because he's Roger Clemens. . . this is ridiculous though, everyone else has to work hard all season, he's such a premadonna, i HATE premadonna's. There are in theory three teams that he might play for, which are the Astros, the Red Sox, and the Yankees. My theory is that he'll either play for the Astros or the Yankees. The only reason Roger Clemens might go to Boston is for sentimental reasons. For some people this is probably a good enough reason, but considering that this is the guy who when a 8 yr old Kaz asked him if he would autograph his ball, replied by saying "Do you have 20 bucks?", I doubt he's really in it for the Boston fans. Sorry Boston. . . You do have that loser with a screw ball though, so you're all set. My personal opinion is that he'll go to the Yankee's to be with his man crush, Andy Pettitte. That's what I would do and it's not like playing in New York will keep him from his family that long anyway, he'll only be playing like a 2 month season.

When he does come back, I'll be excited to watch him pitch, but he still sucks. . . at least he's not Kobe Bryant

Philip Rivers: ok, I have to say in Philip River's defense that it is not his fault I am over him. . .

You know how some couples are allowed to sleep with one celebrity? Well me and Kaz have that rule. I tried to pick strategically, like for example: Andy Pettitte is probably my biggest celebrity crush, but he has a wife and kids, so my chances are pretty bad (even if he cheats on his wife, I don't like to think of him that way, so in Marcia world, he doesn't and I couldn't have him).

Most celebrities don't really do it for me (except athletes) because somehow they are all minature and I like tall guys. The only real celebrity that I actually kind of have a crush on who passed this test was Wentworth Miller. . . the problem with him is that he is TOO good-looking, I mean it would make me all nervous and jittery and I'd probably just stare at him the whole time. Plus, there are rumors that he is gay, so I don't want to waste my one celebrity on a gay guy. . . that is not at all strategic.

This is how I decided that I wanted Philip Rivers to be "my" celebrity. He is not my favorite Charger, but LaDainian Tomlinson is way too happily married/ nice. Philip Rivers is totally my type in terms of build, etc. and he is pretty good looking, but not unbelievable. The combination of these things made me feel like I had a shot and that he had potential. The thing that made me officially decide to choose him was the fact that Kaz told me he seemed like the type of guy who would do any girl. . . at first this sounds like a bad quality, but this isn't a guy I want to date or marry, it is a guy I want a chance to get with. So, it was decided.

This past weekend, when our friend from Brown was in town, I come to find out that Philip Rivers has a long time girlfriend and Kaz knew about this. This made me very angry. . . who lies about an athlete's relationship status to try and get their girlfriend to make a bad pick? This is just like march madness all over again.

Then our friend told me I was good-looking, but not good-looking enough to get with Philip Rivers. If he had said this about Wentworth Miller I would whole- heartedly agree, I am not good-looking enough for him, but saying I'm not good-looking enough for Philip Rivers, that was pretty insulting (when I told my best friend that I had a crush on him, she said "ewww, really? why?").

Now, I have to pick a new celebrity. . . as you can imagine I will not be soliciting Kaz's advice on this one.