I don’t know if I have expressed this to everyone but one of the greatest television shows of all time ended last night. A show that will go down in the annals of television history. It is the single greatest show of all time and I am so upset that it is over. Of course I am talking about Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. A direct clone of Flavor of Love and I Love New York there was something else with this show that put it directly above them. A certain something that I can’t put my finger on…oh wait I got it, 20 whores fighting for the affection of a washed-up 80’s hair band lead singer.
The show started off with 20 women showing up. Bret’s head of security, Big John, kicked five off before the show had even started. He walked up to them and picked out the least attractive 5 before even letting them get in the house. Sorry ladies you aren’t good enough to degrade yourself on national TV for Bret Michaels. You aren’t good enough to compete in challenges like, have Phone Sex with Bret while he has a machine that measures the blood flow to his genitalia attached to see who turned him on the most. You aren’t good enough to play tackle football in the mud in little outfits that got ripped off. You aren’t good enough to see how quickly you can change outfits in a Port-o-potty.
The show had 5 major superstars of contestants. Heather, the 31 year-old stripper that decided that the best way to turn on an 80’s hair band lead singer is to dress and wear your hair like an 80’s porn star. She was manipulative and referred to her chest as her Tatters. She thought it would be cool to get a tattoo that said “BRET” on the back of her neck before the show was over. Needless to say that when she didn’t win she started to flip out that she had his named tattooed on the back of her neck. Listen you dumb whore, tattoos are permanent and you are an idiot for getting his name tattooed on the back of your neck. She also had the line of the season when she said, “I’m not a hater, I’m a congratulator. If I see a hot chick I will say it.”
Lacey, was a spoiled rich girl that hid her true life style from her parents. Everyone in the house hated her and she cried every time something went wrong and because of it she got to stay on the show until the final 3. Her father is the unintentional comedy champion. He told Bret that if Lacey won and they got married that he would have to sign a pre-nup because he was a wealthy man and didn’t want him to marry his daughter for money.
Erin and Brandi C get lumped together because well there was no difference between the two really. Both were blonde busty whores that were just absolute delights to have on the screen. Both have starred in Porn and if you do a little research with Google I am sure you that can find their work. There is a lovely picture of Brian Urlacher feeling up Erin out there. The two started arguing which one was less of a whore at one point. That piece of tape should be sent to the Smithsonian because it can never be beat. It would have been like OJ and Michael Vick arguing who was the better role model for society.
Our final contestant and winner was Jes. She was the most beautiful girl on the show and the most normal as well. She won the show by doing two tings, not being an idiot and showing real emotion and concern for Bret. When Bret was having a diabetic attack she broke down and showed real emotion for Bret. When Bret had a diabetic attack in front of Heather, Heather told him to sack it up so she could drive the dunebuggie. Excellent move Heather.
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